Sometimes I wish we could just love, the way we did, when we weren’t grown ups. – Scottish singer songwriter.

If life is sunlight, then I must say that we are in between two rays and most time, we are bent. In a rare occasion we might bend into a different medium and spark a rainbow ray. Rainbow rays could symbolises a random act of kindness, getting intricately hyped and happy, or, being the biggest ray there is for the visible eye, is to fall in love.

to spread love.

be loved.

to love.

they dont come often and most adolescence are blind to see the thin line of lust and love.  Dont bother saving your ego from hurting and denying it, it happens, or it will, sooner or later. its an embarrassing thing, i must admit, but we will only grow from mistakes, especially with things as subjective as feelings, being an abstract topic on its own, and to some, taboo all together.

so what differentiates the love that we feel when we were 13 and having our first boyfriends, to being 20 and being in a stable 3 years old relationship?

why is it that our definition of love changes from time to time?

noun: love; plural noun: loves
  1. 1.
    an intense feeling of deep affection.
    “babies fill parents with intense feelings of love”
    synonyms: deep affection, fondnesstendernesswarmthintimacyattachment,endearment; More

    antonyms: hatred
    • a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.
      “it was love at first sight”
      synonyms: become infatuated with, give/lose one’s heart to; More

    • a personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.
      noun: Love
    • a great interest and pleasure in something.
      “his love for football”
      synonyms: liking of/for, enjoyment of, appreciation of/for, taste for, delight for/in,relish of, passion for, zeal for, appetite for, zest for, enthusiasm for,keenness for, fondness for, soft spot for, weakness for, bent for,proclivity for, inclination for, disposition for, partiality for, predilection for, penchant for More

    • affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one’s behalf.
      synonyms: best wishes, regards, good wishes, greetings, kind/kindest regardsMore

    • a formula for ending an affectionate letter.
      “take care, lots of love, Judy”
  2. 2.
    a person or thing that one loves.
    “she was the love of his life
    synonyms: beloved, loved one, love of one’s life, deardearest, dear one, darling,sweetheartsweetangelhoney; More

    • BRIT.informal
      a friendly form of address.
      “it’s all right, love”
    • BRIT.informal
      used to express affectionate approval for someone.
      noun: a love
      “don’t fret, there’s a love”
  3. 3.
    (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil.
    “love fifteen”
verb: love; 3rd person present: loves; past tense: loved; past participle: loved; gerund or present participle: loving
  1. 1.
    feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).
    “do you love me?”
    synonyms: care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolizeworship; More

    antonyms: hate
    • like very much; find pleasure in.
      “I’d love a cup of tea, thanks”
      synonyms: like very much, delight in, enjoy greatly, have a passion for, take great pleasure in, derive great pleasure from, relishsavor; More

      antonyms: hate
thats love, based on google.
to me, love is simple. love is complex. love is in depth learning process being gradual. love is a head over heels butterfly in the stomach kinda feelings on the first sight. love is affection. love is lust. love could be a person. an object. a verb. a noun. applicable to everything.
is when you dont sleep because the reality is finally better than the dreams. 
is when you feel more pain than genuine happiness, but the short shot of happiness makes it worth the pain
is when you wake up knowing your purpose of living today,
and i can go on and on about it, but why bother.
feeling love isnt to feel happy.
feeling love is to feel, at all.

Sometimes I wis…


time ; a myth.

where were you when I needed you the most? Did you hide behind the curtain at night? are you afraid of the sun rays? what is it that made you run? was i not treating you well enough?

time, where are you? 

These days, you are never in my power, as dust turns to dawns and midnight in a matter of split second. last time I had the time to check my calender it was sept 20th and today it is 77 days away from 2014. And i realised that I have yet to make any memories for 2013. This, is, RIDICULOUS. 



kill me already



Dust fame and old flame.

Old flame, not taking into consideration of its size and importance of effects, can be dangerous to everyone at some point. Rekindling it and knowing how it can be a window for a person, or the other half, to exit, and still making it possible is just stupid. 

Old flame symbolises home and comfort. The comfort of his hugs, and the homely feel of her hair brushing through your face when you both walk quickly out of the damp, humid bar into the natural ice cold air. And the comfort that the past present to us are so significant, we would walk right through our partners just for a single short breath of the comfort. 


why would we want to run to our pasts? when everyday we are wishing that tomorrow would be better?

what is there in the past that got us so chained on our feet to an extent where we would not look left and right or even think twice?

for moi,

the past holds somewhat an objective, a literature and a fiction that neither the present or the future has. It gives us a certain amount of certainty, and living out modern lives these days, we crave for the certainty. to be in the know, and to know the ending like the back of my hand.

the invisible thick blanket of security is also one of the strong chain that keeps me running to the past. Would you relive the day your cat went missing if you knew she would be missing for just couple of hours? sure, I don’t mind truthfully, because its not that painful to endure that couple of hours after knowing she will be back. Similarly, knowing the end makes everything better to process and knowing someone like you know yourself makes it easier to make decisions. and that is a crucial factor to make a relationship work. So I will have this shameful thought that if I go back to the past, to him, things will eventually work out. 


but at the end of the day, the firing thoughts had became a dusty famous article in my mind that I kept safely to myself, deep enough so that no one knows. 


The strong urge to have step on a foreign soil, to wanderlust and to run. an escapee. a nomadic lifestyle.

while making it a habit is as just bad, to have one at the right time will be an eye opener. it tends to change your life and how you view them. Accompanied with a good read, a holiday can be better than drugs. it can loop you like never before. the experience can put you on a trance for days, and thereafter, in bed at night, you will experience a holiday hangover where all you can think of is the experience during it, and you cant seem to think of anything else other than that, and it puts you in such a bad mood. it puts you in a bad ride. a bad bad ride. well, no surprises there, your holiday accelerated the production of serotonin. and now you’re there. empty and sad.

The strong urge…


A bucket full.

of happy thoughts and sadistic opinions.

pictures that truly require no words.


Truthfully, a girl’s posts are usually more artistic than what I have here. Their posts tend to be accompanied with flowery pictures and deep shit quotes you people never heard of cause its motherfucking classics.

okay not happening here.

I can try to Google Mahatma Gandhi’s quotes and paste it bits by bits here and there, but seriously, what the fuck am I trying to prove, I’m acing my Philosophy class?

Aside with that, I think ill post up general thoughts that goes through my brain on a speed of Japan’s Bullet Train, and ill narrow it down to something (hopefully) in the future. So as for now, this is not a cultural blog, a fashion blog, or pages of foodie posts. It’s a blank page and in time, I’ll change it to something i am inspired of.

till then ,